Driving the car on my own was the only time I would get to listen to the radio, hear the music that I loved and the familiar voice of the radio presenter discussing a wide range of different topic’s during their slot on the radio. On this day I got delayed which resulted in not being able to listen to the first half of the topic being discussed on the programme. The radio presenter asked everyone listening to the programme a question which surprised me because they didn’t usually do this. What came from asking this question surprised me even more.
Name 10 reasons to stay in your intimate relationship?
Right on cue music was played to give all the listeners a 2 minute interval to reflect on this. Thinking of my 10 reasons before the radio presenter came swiftly back on air to continue with the topic of discussion. All I could think of was-the garden. Watering the flowers, weeding the borders and mowing the lawn twice a week. Back on air the radio presenter asked for you to think of your 10 reasons and to remove any that are related to your home, children and pets. And what do you have remaining-I had nothing. Every day I would go to work and return back to the perpetrator.
Why don’t you leave ?
Perpetrators will go to great lengths to prevent you from leaving. What they do they build four walls around you, they start off low and gradually become higher and higher to the point you look up and can barely see the light of day. And the space around you becomes increasingly smaller and smaller there is no room to move they have you where they want you confined and trapped. Hidden from the outside world so no one can hear your cries, witness the impact of the internal / external scars you have. Escaping these walls is incredibly hard. No one asks to be emotionally, psychologically, sexually, physically or economically / financially abused.
” No reason to stay is a good reason to go” – Stella Eden
If you are experiencing abuse or know someone who is experiencing abuse and needs help and support in England 24 hr National Domestic Violence Help line t-0808 2000 247
After 18 years I slumped to the floor in an exhausted heap. Thinking what has my life become, constantly adapting to the growing demands of a volcano that would erupt several times a day if they were not met or to their liking. Who would remind me constantly throughout the day of my many failings and how useless I am as a person (emotional abuse) My only hope at this time was-help was on its way but when it came and opened the door then locked the door behind them, it was clear it wasn’t coming to help me-it was coming to help the perpetrator. What happened to me during those 3 hours (physical, emotional and psychological abuse) revealed the picture I hadn’t seen coming-all three of them were in this together (perpetrator and their parents)
No one outside knew what was happening-how he would shout at me every day. There was no escaping the destruction he would cause smashing the furniture around me and shouting out my name every time they punched the walls. I was forced to bear witness to this all because I forgot to buy a pint milk. The daily list of where I was going to be throughout the day and what time had to be confirmed with a sent text message to them. Preventing me from sleeping because I was showing signs of having a bad attitude this was turning on the washing machine without asking for permission, smiling, laughing without their consent and breathing too loud or looking at them when I spoke to them (psychological abuse). Humiliating by restraining me (physical abuse) to prevent me from going to the toilet and forcibly pressing onto my lower abdomen so I would urinate on myself. To isolate me further to stop me from leaving they refused to carry any money because I was their personal bank and if I did not buy what they wanted they threatened to smash the entire contents of the shop. This resulted in myself having a credit card debt of £3k (economic/financial abuse)
Growing up in an environment that consisted of domestic abuse is all I ever knew. To be shouted at and made to feel guilty was normal every day life for me – I had never experienced unconditional love. The only difference with the perpetrator which I had never experienced was they noticed me. And wanted to protect me and care for me- finally someone who loves me but it wasn’t love or caring it was domestic abuse.
How would you recognise if you / someone was in a domestic abusive relationship ?
If you are reading my blog and you connect with my experience or if you are scared to go home. And can not freely express who you are or say how you feel because there will be consequences for doing this resulting in either verbal threats, physical or sexual violence or using emotional / psychological methods this is domestic abuse.
Please seek help. Women’s Aid 24 hour help line- free phone Tel 0808 2000 247
Immediate danger call 999 and ask for the POLICE
‘Love wants to hear the sound of your voice hear your laughter and watch you grow to be the person who you choose to be’ -Stella Eden
One hand over their mouth, eyes closed tightly whilst their other hand waves frantically signalling to stop this conversation dead in it’s tracks before it goes any further. The fear of acknowledging this could be happening in an area where the live. This is one of many responses I have had and what caused this? A subject no one likes or wants to talk about because it is horrendous- domestic abuse.
What is domestic abuse / domestic violence ?
Abusive power with controlling manipulation and threatening behaviour. It is a repeated pattern of cycle abuse using various forms of abuse –
Harassment / Stalking
Economic / Financial
Domestic abuse / domestic violence is also about humiliating and isolating you to keep you fearful and hidden away from all the great wonders of life and from everyone in society. Their power and control is so important to them they will go to great lengths to keep it and to keep you under their control by using any forms of abuse.
Sadly it is not going away it is global and it is goes from one relationship to another. In our lifetime it is estimated 1/4 women and 1/6 men will experience domestic abuse in an intimate relationship. It can happen to anyone from any social background in all genders.
The more we openly talk about domestic abuse this becomes part of a regular conversation we all need to be having at work places with friends and family. By doing this we are all facing it and rising to help those who need to understand and recognise domestic abuse is unacceptable.And those who are in desperate need for help but are too afraid to ask or do not know they are being abused. Start talking about domestic abuse never be afraid to ask is this domestic abuse- you may save someone’s life.
Together we can make a difference- Stella Eden
If you are experiencing abuse or know someone who is experiencing abuse and needs help and support in England – 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline